The Great Depression

Right from the outset I would like to declare that this will be a raw and honest post about a demon that I battle with on a daily basis. My demon is DEPRESSION!

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits. 

I suffer from clinical depression, a health disorder that changes the balance of chemicals in my brain. For years I denied I had a problem and even when I admitted to needing help, I found it very hard to talk about with anyone. I was diagnosed in 2008 and have been on a journey of discovery ever since. I have discovered that depression is still very much a taboo subject and many avoid discussing it or dismiss it as trivial. However I've learned from the University of Life that if you don't start talking about issues that are confronting, people remain uncomfortable and misinformed.




I was fortunate to have a soul mate who recognized something was wrong with me and encouraged me to seek help. He made me realize that just like a diabetic needs insulin, someone living with depression requires some sort of intervention. It was a breathe of fresh air after thinking that I should just "snap out of it". I am now fully aware that depression is not something you can just shake off, just like you can't just shake off of cancer or diabetes.

In 2007 The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare reported that 65% of people with mental illness did not access any treatment and therefore their condition was worsened by the delay. The Black Dog Institute claim that mental illness is very common in Australia with one in five (20%) of Australians aged 16-85 experiencing a mental illness in any year, with the most common mental illnesses being  depressive, anxiety or substance related.

We’ve all had blue feelings, those short-lived reactions to the stresses of everyday life. However for some of us these feelings can be a sign that we are sinking into the depths of depression. I know for myself that I can spend weeks in this head space and as Choicewithin pointed out on their Twitter feed today, just because we get out of bed, go to work and take care of responsibilities does not mean that we necessarily have it all together.

So how do you know if what you are experiencing is just temporary or if it is something more serious that needs the attention of a healthcare provider?

Disclaimer: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.” ― William Gibson

Seriously though, I'm getting better at identifying my own warning signs but it has taken years of dealing with depression to get to now them well. Below are my most obvious symptoms and sometimes I may only experience one or two but at my worst it is the whole kit and caboodle:

• My most obvious indicator is sadness, crying and tearfulness for no reason at all or simple things upset me more than they usually do.
• I can get irritable and snap at people for no reason and cease to enjoy the company of the people I usually enjoy spending time with. 
• One that ends up affecting me before I realize it, is a loss of concentration. This is when I find it increasingly difficult to stay on task and I find it hard to make decisions or I consistently make stupid decisions. I forget things too and much to my dismay, my commitment levels usually go down hill. 
• I can become uninterested in activities and often give up on my hobbies or things I like to to do. I avoid going out with friends and I get tired easily.
• I definitely feel my eating and sleeping patterns change. I'm an emotional eater and so I tend to binge eat and then feel miserable about it after. 
• I toss and turn find it hard to fall asleep or all I want to do is sleep and not get out of bed.
• Do I ever have thoughts of suicide. I'd be lying if I said I didn't but I have never taken it further than a thought. I have two wonderful children and a caring family who keep me from thinking that life is not worth living and for that I am eternally grateful.

So what can you do if you feel you need help you with your feelings. I'm not a psychologist and I have no authority to provide this advice but as someone who suffers from depression, I can tell you what I did.

• I was eventually brave enough to tell my family and close friends
• I finally listened to my friends concerns about my welfare
• I looked up websites and read about the signs
• I went to my local doctor and told her about my feelings
• My doctor send me to a counselor and then a psychologist
• On the advice of my counselor, I started writing a journal
• On advice from my GP and psychologists I started taking medication

Let me leave you with this bit of advice that my therapist once told me. The way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I know that I feel better already. YUMMO! Somehow though I don't think this is what she meant.

Take care and don't be afraid to seek help if you need it:

• Emergency contact information - 24 hours
• Ambulance/Fire/Police - 000
• Lifeline - 13 11 14
• Men's Line Australia - 1300 78 99 78
• Salvo Care Line - 1300 36 36 22
• Kids Help Line - 1800 55 1800
• Salvo Youth Line - (02) 8736 3293 (Sydney local call)
• Child Abuse Prevention Services - 1800 688 009
• Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467
• In an emergency you can also visit your local hospital's emergency department.
• Beyond Blue
• Headspace
• Black Dog Institute